(no subject)

[dargent]

Argent training didn't just cover hunting. The Argent family was expected to be able to handle any crisis that came up. As a side effect, Chris was generally terrible at dealing with emotions in anything resembling a healthy way.

Since Isaac had miscarried, he'd cried, in private where no one could hear or see. He'd been there for Isaac, calm and in control every time his lover was upset. Tonight was no different. Isaac had called, said he needed to come over to talk; so he brought the young man into the lounge, shelving his own emotions. "What do you want to talk about?"

Comments

[firsttofreedom]

Once it reaches his senses that Chris has finally let go, Isaac's body goes slack in his lover's hold and he trembles as his sobs turn silent and choking. "It is... it is..."

[dargent]

"No." Chris shakes his head, not opening his eyes. "Isaac--please listen to me. This isn't your fault. This is no one's fault." He holds Isaac close, presses a kiss to his temple.

[firsttofreedom]

He curls up in Chris' lap and takes a deep breath. "I just want my baby back. Chris... It hurts so much."

[dargent]

"I know. I know, Isaac, and I'm sorry." He's not crying anymore, but his voice is still raw; he hasn't started locking everything away again yet. "I wanted us to have that, to have her. I still want that for us. I wish--" His voice breaks and he has to try again. "I feel like I should have seen this coming."

[firsttofreedom]

"I just don't understand. I didn't know how much I loved her until she was taken away and I just... I want her back." He couldn't help the way the moments immediately following replayed in his head; the way Deaton had looked so crushed as he'd wrapped the tiny infant and handed her over to him. She hadn't moved, eyes closed and chest still and Isaac had lost it when Deaton told him that they'd have to make arrangements for her.

"How could you have known?"

[dargent]

"Because this doesn't happen to humans," Chris says. There's a glass-thin layer of calm over the words, just enough that he doesn't break down as he admits this. "This had to be because you're a werewolf, and it's still so rare not even Deaton knew what to expect. And I'm not a werewolf, and your body still isn't made for pregnancy. There were bound to be complications. I just..." He shakes his head. He can't say any more.

[firsttofreedom]

In different circumstances, Isaac would be able to identify that Chris' meaning was exactly what he said. But as it is, with a mind riddled with guilt and pain, Isaac can't help but once again blame himself. "But it did happen so I should have been able to do it. To keep her."

[dargent]

Chris shakes his head. "No, Isaac, that's not how it works. This was a long shot. It's not your fault that it didn't work out." He shakes him slightly. "None of this is your fault."

[firsttofreedom]

"If I'd been more careful. If I'd been stronger." Deaton had said that he was lucky to make it as far as he had, that he'd been surprised it hadn't happened earlier, but it had brought the teen no comfort. "I should have been strong enough."

[dargent]

"Listen to me." Chris pulled back to look Isaac in the eye. "This was not about how strong you are. There was nothing you could have done to be stronger than you were."

[firsttofreedom]

Shaking his head, he whimpers. "I could have... I could have... Been. Stronger." He can't hold Chris' gaze, ashamed that he hadn't been able to do this one thing right.

[dargent]

"Isaac," Chris whispers. "Please, listen to me. You were amazing about all of this. You couldn't have done anything better. This isn't your fault." And then, because he gets the feeling Isaac isn't going to listen to him, he kisses him, properly, gently.

[firsttofreedom]

Isaac knows he looks disgusting; face red and blotchy, wet with tears and snot. But he can't care when Chris kisses him like that. It doesn't make him blame himself any less, but it's reassuring that they'll get through it, together. "I thought you'd hate me. 'Cause I couldn't give you..." a baby goes unsaid.

[dargent]

"Isaac, it was a miracle that we even got the chance we did," Chris says, stroking a hand through Isaac's hair. "I don't regret trying, and I don't blame you." He's not shutting down, exactly. Just... prioritizing. The emotion he's still showing is affection, though his eyes are still shining.

[firsttofreedom]

His voice is barely a whisper when he speaks, holding his gaze. "I was scared you'd leave me. And you've been so distant and I just... I can't lose you too."

[dargent]

"You won't lose me," he says, and kisses Isaac's temple. "I'm here until you want me gone." And then he'll leave. It'll kill him to do it, but he will.

[firsttofreedom]

"Never." He curled up closer to Chris' chest, tucking his nose against the older man's neck.

[dargent]

"Good," Chris whispers, though he doesn't really believe it and what he's thinking is more along the lines of never is a long time.

[firsttofreedom]

"You don't believe me." He brushes his nose along Chris' neck. "I mean it. I'm in deeper than you think."